Busting Relationship Myths

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sextherapyEsther Perel wrote a great article, 7 Relationship Myths to Stop Believing.

Myth #1: People in a relationship don’t flirt. If they do, it means they are unhappy and looking for something else.
Myth #2: Honesty is the best policy.
Myth #3: Bad sex should always be a relationship deal breaker. It means you aren’t compatible.
Myth #4: Your S.O. should be your best friend.
Myth #5: Fighting is always a sign that something is wrong.
Myth #6: Once a cheater, always a cheater.
Myth #7: To get past cheating, you must forgive and forget — or just dump the cheater.

Two favorites are:
Myth #4: Your S.O. should be your best friend. Making your S.O. (significant other) your best friend, sometimes burdens a relationships by expecting our partners to be everything to us. Also, in order to keep sexual energy and tension in our relationships, we need to have mystery.

Myth #5: Fighting is always a sign that something is wrong.
When fighting, what matters most is the way you fight and your goal. There are big differences between fighting to win and fighting to help something in our relationships. Sometimes, fighting and conflict also provide an opportunity to grow emotionally for the individual and their relationship. Most importantly, we need to learn to make repair after an argument. The quicker we repair, the least amount of damage done to the relationship.

To read the whole article from Esther, go to: http://www.refinery29.com/relationship-myths#slide

You Can Be Right or You Can Be Married (or Connected)!

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you-can-be-right-cartoon

Our Start Right, Stay Connected relationship education seminar is for premarital or newly married couples, couples who are making a long term commitment and those who need a relationship boost. One of our best lines in the workshop is, “You can be married (or connected) or you can be right! It is often hard to take the time to listen to our partner’s stories versus making our point! We love this cartoon!

“Relationship Space” and Thanksgiving. What do they have to do with each other?

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It is very important for couples and families to learn about “the relationship space.” In your relationship, there are three entities: you, your partner & your relationship. We know about the “relationship space”, when we have conflict. At that time, we can feel the tension, the negative energy, from the basement to the second floor. We often don’t pay much attention to the “relationship space” when things are going well. It is important for us to learn how to take care and enhance of our relationship space in order to create a more loving connection between us.

At Thanksgiving, an easy way to create a more loving “relationship space” is to express your appreciations. Be sure to tell your partner something you appreciate about them and why this has meaning to you. Also, be sure to tell your children what you appreciate about them. In our family, we have said our appreciations of each other on our Friday night Sabbath dinner. When my son turned 17, he decided he no longer wanted to participate in our appreciations. We said that was fine, but we would tell him what we appreciated about him, without him having to reciprocate. By the end of our appreciations of everyone, my son was compelled to participate, because it is natural to want to be a part of loving energy.

Given the strife in our country at this time, we also need to take care of the “relationship space” in our communities, cities, states and entire country. Find ways to say nice things to strangers, such as thank you, your welcome or just give a smile. Every little gesture of kindness can help the larger communal space as well.

Take advantage of the opportunities to express your appreciations this holiday and every day!