Dr. John Gottman conducted a long-term study of newlywed couples and determined that marriages are happier and less likely to end in divorce when an emotionally intelligent husband shares power and accepts his partner’s influence.
The husband who lacks emotional intelligence rejects his wife’s influence because he fears a loss of power. And because he is unwilling to accept influence, he will not be influential. Signs that a man is rejecting his wife’s influence include the use of criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling- what Gottman refers to as the Four Horsemen.
Gottman goes on to assert that rather than losing power and influence in the relationship, the emotionally intelligent husband not only learns how to better connect with his wife, but also gains respect, power, and influence.