The Season of Light

We are approaching the celebration of Chanukah, known as “The Festival of Lights”. Every night for eight days, we light another candle until on the eight night, we are lighting eight candles. In every temple/synagogue, there was and is a light which is always lit, the Eternal Light, signifying G-d’s presence. At the time of Chanukah (the Jews were fighting for religious freedom against the Greeks) there was only enough oil in the Eternal Light to last one day. Of course, there was a miracle and the light lasted for eight days until the Jews were able to bring more oil. A small number of Jews (in comparison to the large number of Greeks) were able to defeat the Greeks to win religious freedom, bringing light to the Jewish people again.

I started to think about the role of light in the Christmas story as well. Jesus is seen as bringing light, a savior of peace, into a dark world. The picture of the messianic light (the bright star) is seen on the night of Jesus’ birth. Christmas songs are filled with references to Jesus bringing light into the world. Today, with electricity, we see beautiful Christmas lights throughout our cities and neighborhoods.

Our country is in need of the season of light, both Chanukah & Christmas.  These are the shortest days of the year, with the least amount of light. So, using your own tradition, think of the light you wish to bring into the your family and community at this time of year. Some great ways to bring in light to your family and friends are being more present, truly listening, hugging, appreciating and helping them. In your community, you can give time or money to those less fortunate than you, lend a helping hand, pray for those who are ill, or say a kind word to someone in the grocery store. In the world, we can pray for peace and stand up for our beliefs.

Happy Holidays and Happy New Year to you all.

The One Thing Your Gynecologist Is Tired of Hearing

Marcy Rosen, an OB/GYN, provides a humorous perspective regarding women apologizing for their vaginas during a pelvic exam. Dr. Rosen highlights for women how medical professionals have “seen it all”, and how important it is to seek help for any suspected vaginal health issues while setting aside embarrassment regarding your genitalia’s appearance, odor, etc.

Read the article…

The Effect of the Election on Survivors of Sexual Assault and Sexual Abuse

We received this article today (December 11. 2016) though social media and wanted to share with you. The article is not meant as a political statement.

We know  many people are fearful about the new President.  However, this article highlights a different fear, experienced by the survivors of sexual assault and sexual abuse.  These survivors often had to keep their mouth shut for safety reasons for most of their lives. The lack of accountability by the new President for the alleged sexual violations towards women has created fear in survivors resulting in  need to keep their mouths shut again.  As they keep their months shut, their bodies shut down more and sexual responsivity and desire are effected.

If you are a survivor, be sure to continue to stand up and speak out about your experiences.  If you are a therapist/counselor or other health professional, be sure to help your clients/patients continue to speak out about the violations they have experienced.  Help them to address their concerns and re-find their self esteem and sexual connections.

Busting Relationship Myths

sextherapyEsther Perel wrote a great article, 7 Relationship Myths to Stop Believing.

Myth #1: People in a relationship don’t flirt. If they do, it means they are unhappy and looking for something else.
Myth #2: Honesty is the best policy.
Myth #3: Bad sex should always be a relationship deal breaker. It means you aren’t compatible.
Myth #4: Your S.O. should be your best friend.
Myth #5: Fighting is always a sign that something is wrong.
Myth #6: Once a cheater, always a cheater.
Myth #7: To get past cheating, you must forgive and forget — or just dump the cheater.

Two favorites are:
Myth #4: Your S.O. should be your best friend. Making your S.O. (significant other) your best friend, sometimes burdens a relationships by expecting our partners to be everything to us. Also, in order to keep sexual energy and tension in our relationships, we need to have mystery.

Myth #5: Fighting is always a sign that something is wrong.
When fighting, what matters most is the way you fight and your goal. There are big differences between fighting to win and fighting to help something in our relationships. Sometimes, fighting and conflict also provide an opportunity to grow emotionally for the individual and their relationship. Most importantly, we need to learn to make repair after an argument. The quicker we repair, the least amount of damage done to the relationship.

To read the whole article from Esther, go to: http://www.refinery29.com/relationship-myths#slide

You Can Be Right or You Can Be Married (or Connected)!

 

you-can-be-right-cartoon

Our Start Right, Stay Connected relationship education seminar is for premarital or newly married couples, couples who are making a long term commitment and those who need a relationship boost. One of our best lines in the workshop is, “You can be married (or connected) or you can be right! It is often hard to take the time to listen to our partner’s stories versus making our point! We love this cartoon!

“Relationship Space” and Thanksgiving. What do they have to do with each other?

It is very important for couples and families to learn about “the relationship space.” In your relationship, there are three entities: you, your partner & your relationship. We know about the “relationship space”, when we have conflict. At that time, we can feel the tension, the negative energy, from the basement to the second floor. We often don’t pay much attention to the “relationship space” when things are going well. It is important for us to learn how to take care and enhance of our relationship space in order to create a more loving connection between us.

At Thanksgiving, an easy way to create a more loving “relationship space” is to express your appreciations. Be sure to tell your partner something you appreciate about them and why this has meaning to you. Also, be sure to tell your children what you appreciate about them. In our family, we have said our appreciations of each other on our Friday night Sabbath dinner. When my son turned 17, he decided he no longer wanted to participate in our appreciations. We said that was fine, but we would tell him what we appreciated about him, without him having to reciprocate. By the end of our appreciations of everyone, my son was compelled to participate, because it is natural to want to be a part of loving energy.

Given the strife in our country at this time, we also need to take care of the “relationship space” in our communities, cities, states and entire country. Find ways to say nice things to strangers, such as thank you, your welcome or just give a smile. Every little gesture of kindness can help the larger communal space as well.

Take advantage of the opportunities to express your appreciations this holiday and every day!